Well, lets just say this pit dwelling or at least side pit dwelling I was able to fool a lot of people that i was OK. I put on a fake smile and when people were down and needed encouraged I had a shop set up and would love on them with the little love I would allow God to give me. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful to have had the privilege to care for so many even when I struggled deep inside. In matter of fact this is what God used to finally get me to a place where I could allow myself to be loved. If I have ever listened, prayed, talked, or even cried with you, know you are dearly loved because that love comes from God through a broken vessel.
Lets just say God has grabbed hold of this heart and has broken down that wall. The journey away from this pit has been hard but one by one God is helping me through away the baggage I brought along to remind me of my old home. I feel as if the weight of the world is off my shoulders and that with God I could just soar right off a mountain with Him holding me in His arms.
I know I spoke in allegory. I am learning it is OK not to share all the details. It is good I think. I feel as if I had this big gaping infected nasty wound and if I continued to share with you what that wound looked like and the intricate parts of that surgery looked like it would not be right. That is between the surgeon and the patient. HIPPA ;-) But eventually I will have a scar that does not hurt physically or cause me to be incapacitated. Later I can tell you about that healed scar after time and how God has taken the pain away.... It will be a testimony that God can use for good to encourage others, rather what Satan has used it for ,to keep me in bondage.
This is me being real. I don't want to pretend I am OK when I am not. AM I ok at the moment,, I would say yes, before not so much,,, but recently I have been doing really well. I have come to a point it expends too much energy to put on a smile all the time. Any way, it is when we are weak and realize we can't do this alone that God will pick up our broken piece and create something new and beautiful.
Some things I may have hidden and that you may not know about The Real Sarah Dudek...
- I may be a strong person in a lot of ways, but inside I really am Weak I hate to tough it out all the time... and want to be free to show emotion if nessisary
- I want to learn how to ball room dance
- I sing and dance when no one else is around; mostly in my car
- I am such a country girl and when I loose a little more weight you will know by my new attire... tee shirts... jeans... and barn boots..
- I like it when guys take the lead role... and show a bit of chivalry
- I do have a desire to be married down the road after I am done going on some crazy adventures... no I do not want kids... I'd rather take care of other peoples kids who have been neglected
- Love To own a BIG TRUCK... probably a Ford...dun dun dun
- I am a total extrovert, but because of pit dwelling and gaining an uncomfortable amount of weight I have hidden to some extent... but no more hiding I love people too much
- I love to talk on the phone
- I love having fun...
- I love hard work, especially barn work where you sweat and actually look dirty when you are done for the day...
- Totally a shower girl
- Want to travel
- Would love to climb a mountain with some friends...
- Have pushed myself every step of the way through this paramedic stuff... the hardest thing I will ever do is this job... do I get scared... terrified... do I show it... not so much
- If I could work at one place in the entire world,,, I would work at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch in Oregon... or a place like it... this is what I want to do with my life... Use horses to love on hurting people...and to do so with like minded, like hearted people
- When I am older and hopefully married... I would love to own a ranch and start a program similar to that of CPYR...
- I want my house to have a huge front porch,,, so I can have a lot of company
- Love to Learn how to shoot a gun... and then own one
- Love to Learn how to swim better... and get my life guarding certification
- Would love to learn to draw better... Love ART
- I love hugs, and will most definitely be much more of a huggy person when I am in shape and not as self conscious...
- Love language would be words of affirmation... and then hugs
- Love the outdoors
- Love hiking, jogging, biking, just exercise
- Love playing sports
- Love Camp Carl... ok you may have known this one... :-)
- Last but not least for now.... I really do understand how short life is because in my job I see so much death. I do not know the day or the hour I will die, so I want to learn how to live this life to the fullest one day at a time... Like that country song.. LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DIEING... but in regards to that I want to be real, I want to let God use my life however, but also just enjoy life... Thanks for reading this...
By His Grace and Mercy~sarah dudek~
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