Tansition

I finally had a chance to sit down and breath. I was in Florida a week ago and came right home back to work and the business of my life. Right now I am sitting in the MRC building at camp carl watching my favorite movie the Blind Side. I am also typing this blog and doing continuing education all at the same time.

So whats been going on. Well? I am definitely going to Stark State College to become a Registered Nurse. I start my first classes in the Fall around August. This summer I am working out at Camp Carl. My job will be wrangler and stepping it up. Wrangler consists of being a part of the horse program, taking kids on a lot of trail rides, and fun barn games. Did I mention hard work. :-) The stepping it up is kind of like a mentor program for kids a bit too old for camp who need to be loved, lead, and given a role model. This program teaches the kids to become counselors and gives them a chance to join in on being a leader.

I not much for sharing but I must admit I am kinda tired at the moment and could use some peace and rest. I really have pushed myself way past my limits these last years and my body and mind are feeling the repercussions. I am trying to teach myself it is OK not to constantly be working, doing something, or moving all the time. I need to learn to be still, to hang out with friends, and just live the life God has given me. I know I have responsibilities, but I also have to remember one can take a break. O goodness,,, will I ever learn, will I ever slow down? I know not, but I am praying God can help me to Slow Down...

OK I love you all.
Carried In His Arms~sarah dudek~

Start of Something New

Excitement!!! Pure excitement... Do you realize that I have for many many years worked myself practically to death and thought that was my lot in life. Seriously I have worked since I was 12 years old. A couple of my jobs I really have enjoyed such as being A barn hand at Whispering Pines Stables and also my job at Camp Carl, but the rest I have not so much enjoyed. Especially when I was working 50 plus hours a week.

My life really has taken a vacation or detour. I am now working at Camp Carl part time as I prepare for Nursing School. This is something that I really want to do with my life. I really enjoy the medical field in so many ways. I love helping people in their time of need. I like to make people feel loved and comfortable. I also like having the responsibility and the use of learned skills. Nursing will be a good job fit for me.

Ok here are the details...

• Housing: God's got this one... :-)


• College: Stark State College


• Degree: ADN Nursing


• Job: Part time Camp Carl/ Special Events Ambulance Associates

side note: what i would like to do with this ADN

• Get my Bachelors in Nursing


• Eventually my Masters ----so I can teach


• work at a children's hospital


• be a disaster response relief nurse


• missions work ... medical related


• maybe flight nurse


• save money and start a Horse Ranch to Help Troubled Youth :-)

thanks ya'll for reading and being excited with me...

Because HE LOVES ME~sarah dudek~

Short Stories...

It was early morning and the sun was just peeking up out of the sky as I went for a run before work... I was listening to my i-pod and the song Jesus Lover of My Soul was playing. I rounded the corner and was awestruck as I saw one of the most Amazing Sunrises I have ever seen. Words can not describe what my heart was feeling at that moment. Time stood still and that precious gift soon faded away, but with each stride as I ran it felt like a step of new life and transformation. What A WONDERFUL SAVIOR to let me experience such an amazing moment. Remember this is coming from a Girl who loved to run and "now can".

........

I was given a break from work the other day, I was exhausted and just needing to get some serious devotional time. Half an Hour... I hopped into my car and drove the five minuets from Camp to West Branch Lake. I found a place under a tree to park my car and had a pleasant view of the boat dock. The water was so calm and the cool wind lightly blew through my open windows cooling me off as I rested. The radio was playing lightly in the background and as I opened my Bible to Psalm 61 My Song "Mighty To Save" started to play... To hear that song, to be in such a peaceful place, reading a verse about God taking Ashes and turning them into something Beautiful, Wow, I was Hit. Tears weld up into my eyes as God lavished His love upon me in such a safe, peaceful, and wonderful place.

........

I had just been given the privilege to take my future sister-in-law on a scavenger hunt before my brother was going to propose to her. We rounded the bend where through the trees you could see the bridge over the creek where my brother stood dressed up and holding red roses in his hands. I stepped slower letting my friend move towards my brother. He took his arm around her and they walked across the bridge together. As He got down on His knees, I knew I was given such a gift to be invited to take part in such a precious moment. Knowing my brother and my friend and seeing how God moved so mightily in each of their lives, to see the love and wittiness such a precious moment will be with me forever. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw God pouring out His blessing on two people that mean so much to me... I can not be more thankful and mind you So happy for them... Love you guys:-)

I am only sharing a couple of these stories with you, because these are cherished moments I have with my Savior that I hold so dear. I write this, to encourage you to BE Still And Know... It is in these moments when we step away from the business of our lives, from the storm, from whatever that's keeping our minds occupied, that we can hear that still small voice of our Savior, and experience How Cherished we truly are by Him. ....Even when we surrounded by people, or in that storm, we can still experience these "gifts" he so longs to continue to give us... Keep your eyes and your heart open,,, He wants to give you His Love...

I stand Amazed... in His Presence~sarah dudek~

Trusting God as You are Moving Forward...

So,,, it has been a little while... It is not because God was not working... In matter of fact He was... "Chizzeling" ...kinda painful.... The road was a bit hard lately and I wanted to get to a resting place before I sat down to share with ya'll...

To be honest,,, Life has changed a bit for me and I kinda lost site of the hand that was holding me. I started trying to walk on my own. In this I just signed up for as much overtime in work as I could, nearly collapsed, moved out, and kinda lost sight of God in that time. Thankfully God slowly got hold of my heart,,, and offered me His hand yet again... It took me awhile to slow down and when I realized how miserable I was making myself,,, I took that hand.

Wow, God moves so quickly when we are willing to trust Him with every area of our lives. I am so bad at transition and when I don't know the next step I get freaked out a bit. Thankfully God is teaching me I don't need to know. I just need to seek Him and live each day to the fullest extent trusting Him to Lead...



on a lighter note......I may be going back to school ya'll... It would be to get my Nursing Degree. RN. I am kinda excited about this because it is something I really would like to try... I am still praying about it but I am hoping to talk with Advisers from Kent/Salem College next week... I will keep you posted.

Any who,,, God is so good. I am thankful for Him taking me back into His arms and His willingness to walk with me "through it all". also FOR HIS FORGIVENESS :-) I can't keep being a tough, independent, fake girl. God did not make me this way. This is not who I am.... I Am a Child of God and I can trust MY DADDY...

by His Grace....~sarah dudek~

Forgetting What Is Behind...

I have spent one too many years living next to a pit that had nearly taken my life awhile back. I grew comfortable there. I was in control and had even built a pretty nice wall to hang pictures on of where I would love to go, but never wanting to leave the bond I had with that stupid dwelling place. It gave me a false security.

Well, lets just say this pit dwelling or at least side pit dwelling I was able to fool a lot of people that i was OK. I put on a fake smile and when people were down and needed encouraged I had a shop set up and would love on them with the little love I would allow God to give me. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful to have had the privilege to care for so many even when I struggled deep inside. In matter of fact this is what God used to finally get me to a place where I could allow myself to be loved. If I have ever listened, prayed, talked, or even cried with you, know you are dearly loved because that love comes from God through a broken vessel.

Lets just say God has grabbed hold of this heart and has broken down that wall. The journey away from this pit has been hard but one by one God is helping me through away the baggage I brought along to remind me of my old home. I feel as if the weight of the world is off my shoulders and that with God I could just soar right off a mountain with Him holding me in His arms.

I know I spoke in allegory. I am learning it is OK not to share all the details. It is good I think. I feel as if I had this big gaping infected nasty wound and if I continued to share with you what that wound looked like and the intricate parts of that surgery looked like it would not be right. That is between the surgeon and the patient. HIPPA ;-) But eventually I will have a scar that does not hurt physically or cause me to be incapacitated. Later I can tell you about that healed scar after time and how God has taken the pain away.... It will be a testimony that God can use for good to encourage others, rather what Satan has used it for ,to keep me in bondage.

This is me being real. I don't want to pretend I am OK when I am not. AM I ok at the moment,, I would say yes, before not so much,,, but recently I have been doing really well. I have come to a point it expends too much energy to put on a smile all the time. Any way, it is when we are weak and realize we can't do this alone that God will pick up our broken piece and create something new and beautiful.

Some things I may have hidden and that you may not know about The Real Sarah Dudek...

• I may be a strong person in a lot of ways, but inside I really am Weak I hate to tough it out all the time... and want to be free to show emotion if nessisary
• I want to learn how to ball room dance
• I sing and dance when no one else is around; mostly in my car
• I am such a country girl and when I loose a little more weight you will know by my new attire... tee shirts... jeans... and barn boots..
• I like it when guys take the lead role... and show a bit of chivalry
• I do have a desire to be married down the road after I am done going on some crazy adventures... no I do not want kids... I'd rather take care of other peoples kids who have been neglected
• Love To own a BIG TRUCK... probably a Ford...dun dun dun
• I am a total extrovert, but because of pit dwelling and gaining an uncomfortable amount of weight I have hidden to some extent... but no more hiding I love people too much
• I love to talk on the phone
• I love having fun...
• I love hard work, especially barn work where you sweat and actually look dirty when you are done for the day...
• Totally a shower girl
• Want to travel
• Would love to climb a mountain with some friends...
• Have pushed myself every step of the way through this paramedic stuff... the hardest thing I will ever do is this job... do I get scared... terrified... do I show it... not so much
• If I could work at one place in the entire world,,, I would work at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch in Oregon... or a place like it... this is what I want to do with my life... Use horses to love on hurting people...and to do so with like minded, like hearted people
• When I am older and hopefully married... I would love to own a ranch and start a program similar to that of CPYR...
• I want my house to have a huge front porch,,, so I can have a lot of company
• Love to Learn how to shoot a gun... and then own one
• Love to Learn how to swim better... and get my life guarding certification
• Would love to learn to draw better... Love ART
• I love hugs, and will most definitely be much more of a huggy person when I am in shape and not as self conscious...
• Love language would be words of affirmation... and then hugs
• Love the outdoors
• Love hiking, jogging, biking, just exercise
• Love playing sports
• Love Camp Carl... ok you may have known this one... :-)
• Last but not least for now.... I really do understand how short life is because in my job I see so much death. I do not know the day or the hour I will die, so I want to learn how to live this life to the fullest one day at a time... Like that country song.. LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DIEING... but in regards to that I want to be real, I want to let God use my life however, but also just enjoy life... Thanks for reading this...

By His Grace and Mercy~sarah dudek~

Short But Sweet...

I was reading "Hope Rising" this evening and found myself in tears. I am not much for crying and for me to even allow myself to come to that point means that whatever happened really struck me. God yet again reminded me of His love for me. It was such a small gesture of kindness some may think, to me it meant more than anyone but God will ever know. My little trip ,that I was so hesitant to go on (to Oregon), started me off on a journey in which God is slowly transforming me into The Woman of God He created me To Become.

I Will Never Be the Same...

Only by His Grace~sarah dudek~

He Died for Me. I Live for Him

The title is actually what is written on one of my rings. I got this ring last year after God asked me to jump back into the paramedic field. My heart is to follow God, because He honestly is the one who has stood by me in times that "only" He could stand by me. I wanted to buy this ring before I jumped back on as a paramedic, so that when I faced crazy calls, that I could look down at this ring and remember what God has done for me and that with Him I could do this.

I bought a new ring recently with the bonus money I got for working one entire year at my company. What an accomplishment for me. So many times I wanted to run and quit because it was too hard, or too scary, or even too painful. God asked me to stick it out with Him, and you know what I am still there. At least for a little time longer. The ring I bought this time is very simple, is small with a little gold heart, and the gold heart has an even tinier cross lined in it.

The first ring has helped me to remember that I need to keep going with God even if it means sacrificing comfort, or if it is terrifying, or whatever God asks me to do, I need to do because I live for Him, He died for me. This other ring is simple and just perdy. :-) It is such a reminder to me that God really does fulfill His promises. It is to remind me that I am never alone, that I am loved so dearly, and that in all I have gone through my God was either walking beside me or caring me when I could not walk on my own. I know these rings have no power"such as in Lord of the Rings" They are just reminders, of such sweet things of God, so that I don't forget when my days get a little crazy.

My journey is nearly just beginning. My hearts desire when all else is not blocking the view, is for God. There are so many times that the enemy steps in, or my own sinful desires try to block out the goodness and love God has for me. Recently I have been able to see so much more clearly about this love God has for me and I can tell you, I want to do whatever it takes to know and believe more sincerely that There is a living, tangible God who Loves me Unconditionally. How much different would my life be if I knew this love with not just my head but also with my whole heart? I can honestly say, My Mask would come down and I could totally relax not fearing rejection or loneliness at times. I would be able to trust God in other people that if I were needing those "hands and feet" from my christian sisters I would actually ask and allow God to love me through them. I would not constantly worry about my future because I would trust God and His love for me and know He has plans to give me a hope and a future. My past would no longer define me. I would be a Daughter of The King and in humility and knowing where My daddy brought me out of would serve others; love others out of the love my daddy has so freely poured out on me. I would know How Beautiful I truly Am because My daddy spent time forming me and making me just how He desired me to look. I would take care of myself. I would make sure this temple of God would be a place worthy of my daddy to dwell. I would have Joy and in that have strength to face each day. The list goes on. I long and desire so much to allow God to do Whatever it Takes to get me to a place where my heart opens and trusts Him enough to show me His love and for me to believe it with my entire heart, mind, and soul.

Walking in His Grace and Mercy ~sarah dudek~

O How He loves "ME"

God used a silly movie to touch my heart tonight. What a sacrifice Christ paid for me on that cross. I did not deserve His life to be shed for me. He stepped in front of that bullet that was intended to kill me because I deserved it. He pushed me out of the way willingly knowing that there was a chance I may not appreciate all He did. He willingly carried, my cross, willingly became a man to know what I experience, and said" Sarah Dudek, I love you, and I am going to take the blame for all the evil you have done, and i am going to the cross to die instead of you."

On the cross, He looked and saw me" He knew the evil I would do, the hate I would have for Him, and yet, He stayed loving me enough to endure all that pain, suffering, and then a terrible death because He loves me." Words can't describe How much this should effect my heart. I should know because of this act of Love, that He Loves me. Not only does He love me, but He wants to know me, walk with me, and help me. What love! He gave me a chance to live and a chance to know a love so deep. What am I doing? Because He loves me and because He died in the place that was intended for me while I was still evil, I should love Him with my entire life. O Sarah Dudek, "if you get one thing in your head, know the love that Jesus has for you, and walk in it."

"only by His grace" ~sarah dudek~

Be Still and Know...

Today, I went out to Camp Carl after being cooped up all week indoors from the cold and snow. I walked Romans Road in deep snow all the way out to the out door chapel. As I walked; I did not have a thought in my mind just a song of worship on my heart until I got to my destination. This road I have walked for at least five years at different points of my life. Many times before, this walk was met with such intense thought and intense crying out to God. Today, this walk was peaceful.

When I got out to the out door chapel I laid down in the snow looking up into the sky through the bare trees. The wind was lightly blowing and snow gently falling and landing on my face. I was wearing my new coat and was so comfortable and not too cold laying there. As I lay, nothing went through my mind. I could hear the wind and well the soft call of traffic on the highway, but nothing was on my mind. Peace. I Was Still. What an Awesome thing, to have fought through and have made it to a place that in the midst of the storm, I can find a place to be still and know that God is in control. Nothing in my life's circumstances has changed, I have changed.

What an amazing God we serve. I will cherish that time with God out at camp today. My hope is to go to that place, walk in that place, and to be still and know that he is God all the time.

"only by His grace"~sarah dudek~

Why did I start a Blog,,, Ponder???

Yeah, I really like sharing what God does. .....He has done so much and this will give me a way to share what He is doing and has done with whomever stumbles their way across this blog. I hope to encourage you"the reader" in saying boy I know what its like to be in a really dark place, lonely, hurt, angry, and scared. Then to tell you that their is someone who can take that person and change them from the inside out. I am a person whom God is redeeming day by day. He is taking me one step at a time to a place I could of only dreamed about. He is chiseling this heart of stone and hardend gunk and making something He can work with. I thank my Daddy for that, Because He told Me He could move the mountains in my life back in June 2009 and now I am watching Him Move them. Wow, What A Wonderful Savior. I am looking forward to sharing with you what God continues to show me as I day by day learn to Rest and Trust that He is in Control... "only by His Grace"~sarah dudek~